Values

Sometimes what you communicate, becomes stone.
You can’t un-tell things, others can’t un-hear them. But that should never stop you from re-evaluating your beliefs, especially in the face of new evidence.

Whenever my beliefs have been challenged, I’ve always found it helpful to consult my values.

This is going to be a little exercise, so before you continue reading, please write down your answer: what do you value?

My values

I wrote down these:

• Sincerety, transparency: It’s not that I’m just bad at hiding the truth, I believe an omission is a lie. I try to be forthcoming.
• “Realism-flavoured” optimism: I consider all outcomes, but even in the face of overwhelmingly bad odds, I work towards what’s best.
• Personal freedom: as it harms none, do as thou wilt.
  It’s not just about respect – it’s standing up for one another.
• Pragmatism: when nothing is perfect, settle for good.
  When everything is bad, don’t let it decide itself - choose less evil, and act.

Don’t compare yours with mine. Just be truthful to yourself, even if honesty is not on your list.

What do I do, when someone, or something, is challenging my beliefs?

I don’t walk around with a note in my pocket with those things written down - I know very well when I’m stirred. It doesn’t have to be sudden, but it will make me think.

My values help me hold my ground

I’m not feeling old, but I sometimes look back a decade or two, just to see, how did we get here. In 2011, someone gave me ca 4 BTC. I’ve installed the program on my laptop, joined the network, and observed the machine grinding to a halt. So, is this how I participate? It’s not a technology within the reach of an ordinary person, and even if it were, it’s looking terribly inefficient. I threw away the private key and dismissed the notion.

Over time, my beliefs on this topic have converged: it is indeed, an incredibly wasteful technology, that is opaque to an ordinary person, and actively harmful to both nature and society. So I look back, and re-evaluate my choice: 4 BTC would’ve turned out to be quite a lot of money!

My stance remains clear: I will never engage with any proof-of-waste technologies. I will actively and vocally push against those. I will refuse a gift. I will refuse a job offer. I will break contact, if necessary. It’s simple: those schemes are opaque (no honesty), harmful (externalizing the real cost onto our entire planet), and detached from reality (having never solved a previously-unsolvable problem). It’s deception and greed at its finest.

I have a choice, and it’s actually a really easy choice. Don’t touch it. I’m happy to live with that.

My values help me invite change

When I see contradictions, I allow my values to reshape my beliefs.

I once believed that Free and Open Source Software represented the sole means of achieving freedom in computing. When exposed to Apple products in 2019, I found myself having to redefine that freedom. I’m only free, when I have the freedom to do things. Linux has historically been a complete disaster to run games on; macOS enabled me to play StarCraft. The UX was logical and consistent. Simple things were simple. Et cetera. On top of all of that, it’s been approximately the single one top tech company that actually valued their customers’ privacy. Apple’s hardware, software, and services were - for me - all enablers.

My view of Apple has been evolving over the years, mostly in light of their steadily declining product quality; but as of recently, they’ve been earning themselves some prominent space on the global political stage. It’s quite clear that Apple is collaborating with an emerging regime. You could argue, whether a multi-trillion-dollar company that won’t say “Fuck you, make me” spells “weak” or “a wilful collaborator”. Whichever it is, the face they’ve shown us, is that of indifference.

I do not believe that voting with your feet/wallet has ever been a good strategy. Whenever someone has significantly more money than you, your vote is irrelevant. Switching for the sake of switching is self-sabotage. There’s pragmatism in sticking with what’s still working for you. But, nicht alles ist egal.

Enter Liquid (Gl)ass. Fortunately, I’ve tried it before I’ve decided not to upgrade. I can’t put into words, how much of a usability regression it is. I’m not celebrating Alan Dye leaving Apple, not until they actually fix their act (which might be, never). Simultaneously, Microsoft is on an even steeper downward spiral. (Even my close friend, and a diehard MS fan, has been complaining.)

So, yeah. It’s good to have some alternative. I’m eyeing Asahi Linux and Bazzite. Haven’t decided on how to exit iCloud. With the political climate, I’m reconsidering self-hosting. It’s better to start walking before you run.

(Is this story really the finest example of reshaping my personal beliefs? Hell no. But I’ve long surrendered this website to tech topics, so here’s your dose.)

Sometimes, I revisit my values

I would’ve preferred to tell a much more detailed personal story, but I couldn’t untell it. It’s difficult to paint a picture, without revealing what’s actually on it. Here’s my deliberately ambiguous attempt.

Someone is asking me of something. I am asking them of the exact opposite. It’s the perfect contradiction, mutually exclusive choices, the Antigone, the Creon. The matter is highly important to both of us.

So we just leave things unsaid. It’s the perfect action by inaction. Indifference. A choice of no choice is still a choice.

There was a fourth choice: empathy. I believe that this was what I’ve actually chosen. It is still painful. Hindsight. Hindsight only made it worse.

How did this make me re-evaluate?

For you

Do. Not. Second. Guess. Yourself. Learn to live with your choices.
Empathy? Yes, be empathetic – to yourself. Be kind to yourself.

It’s the pragmatic (and healthier!) thing to do.