Azure? No, thank you.

First, let's start with some working definition of a lie.

A lie - making false claims; misrepresenting truth; making someone believe a thing is in order while it isn't.

What happens when a component in a system misrepresents data to another? E.g. imagine you have this dataset:

region | app_support | cdn_support
eu     | 1           | 1
us     | 1           | 1
china  | 1           | 0

And you run this query:

select cdn_support where region = "china";

What would you think of this component if it misrepresented the value as 1?

Well, in a software component it's called a bug. In the real world, we usually don't use this word - instead, we call it a lie.

What Microsoft claims

Case 1: Pricing calculator

  1. Go to Azure's pricing calculator (retrieved: 2015-11-30)
  2. Add a CDN package
  3. Add "1GB" of transfer for Zone 2, which includes "Asia Pacific Japan Australia"

Observation: Estimated monthly cost is €0.12, which, given that you assume you'd get what you're paying for, implies the service is available and works in the region.

Case 2: POP locations

  1. Go to (retrieved: 2015-11-30)

Observation: claimed POP locations in Taiwan (Kaohsiung) and Hong Kong.

What we've learned from Microsoft support...

(...while trying to host an actual f@ck!ng website in regions including China and Taiwan, and users reporting incredibly bad performance.)

  1. Microsoft is merely a reseller for Verizon Edgecast for their CDN offerings.

  2. We ran traceroutes from a VPN in China. We got routed through Germany and to USA.

  3. [snip a long email thread]

    Us (Sunday 21:12)

    Does it mean that Azure clients are only handled by US/European data centers? I might have missed a small disclaimer on your page, but the map [snip link] doesn't say anything about the limitations.

    [snip apologies for delays and promises to get someone on the case]

    Them (Monday 19:00)

    [...] Please note however that Azure customers cannot deliver from our POPs in China today. There is no commercial agreement in place for that. So in most cases, requests that come from users inside China will route to the United States.

TLDR: 503 Service Not Available.

The droplet that overflows the jar of crap

We have struggled with several other issues.

TLDR: 500 Internal Server Error.

My coworker suggested:

We should do a campaign called "Internal Server Error"

Azure seems to be the perfect platform for that job.

In other news

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